Miserable At Best
by laceylove
Summary: Bella and Jasper have had a connection for years, but he has a girlfriend. Will they ever be together? Rated M for language, drug use and sexual content.


**I own nothing. Based on the characters developed my Ms Myers. **

**Amazingly enough, this is based on events in my life. Ok it very heavily features exactly whats going on in my life, fucked up I know. **

**Song to listen to whilst reading this You Had Me At Hello – A Day To Remember**

**Constructive criticism is always welcome**

I ducked my head to hide my blush. This was a stupid, stupid idea. _What the fuck are you doing, Bella? _I shook my head and pasted a smile to my face as I lifted my head once more. Nope, I was still here, in this ridiculous situation. I'd been so bored all day that I'd called Rosalie, whom I didn't even like that much, to see if she wanted to hang out. She'd readily agreed as she was on holidays and bored as well. We'd gone to the local pub for lunch and a few beers then headed to her house to swim in their new pool. It was a bad idea. Not going to her house, I got on well with her mum and both of her brothers. One brother too well it seemed. That was the bad idea.

Jasper. He was gorgeous; he had the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. Just thinking about it would light up my entire body, making me feel giddy. His eyes the most perfect blue, hair I wanted to tangle my hands in. And his arms which I always pictured wrapped around me... I sighed once more as my imagination took hold and I pictured him in my mind even though he sat across from me. I wouldn't look at him. Why? His girlfriend; Maria.

She was perfect, she liked all the same music as him, all the video games, shared all the same friends with him. She was so pretty and fun and just fucking lovely. She had perfect creamy skin, bright, brown eyes, and a beautiful smile, just like his. I hated her and she hated me. I hated her for simple reasons, she had him. She hated me because I was friends with him. That disgusting word. Friends. _Ugh, kill me now. _After about ten beers this whole pretending I didn't want to jump on him and confess my feelings for him wasn't going so well.

I sighed once more. After swimming Rose and I had walked up to the drive-thru and gotten a case of Lime Carlton Fusions. My favourite, perfect for a summer night. We'd arrived back to see that Jasper and Maria had emerged from the shed where they'd been playing video games, and Alice, Edward, Emmett, and Jake had rocked up. We had all sat around drinking with their mum, Julie and the other brother, Ben. Ben hadn't been blessed with the same genes as Rose and Jasper. He wasn't unattractive; he just didn't hold any appeal for me. I was friends with him as well. He'd been in my year at school while Jasper was the year above and Rose the year below.

I lit another cigarette and laughed along with the others as Em pretended to feel Edward up. I swear an outsider would think Em was gay. He was always pretending to hit on all the boys; it was a running joke after a random at a club had mistaken Em for gay. I looked across at Maria and Jasper and quickly looked away as Jasper and my eyes met. I looked at Rose who was texting her latest flirtation and wished for the millionth time that I could just tell her what I felt for her brother. I shook my head and stood.

"I'm gunna head home," I grabbed my beer and finished it before throwing it into the bin. Concern swept across Rose's face.

"No, get a lift." She looked pointedly at the boys who looked toward me. "I don't feel comfortable having you walk home alone."

"I'll drive you, Bells." Jake offered but I shook my head, he lived in the opposite direction to me. I grabbed my bag and hooked it over my shoulder. I shoved my cigarettes and phone into it and slipped on my thongs.

"No, no. I want to walk. It's not far and it's only a Wednesday, no one will be out and about." The other stood and began to say their goodbyes. I walked toward the door to go inside and use the bathroom as everyone else headed to the gate to say their farewells.

Jasper yelled out a quick goodnight and rushed inside after me. I acted as if he wasn't there and just went into the bathroom; I didn't even see his face so I had no idea whether or not he even acknowledged me. I shut the bathroom door and sat down on the toilet. _What the fuck am I doing?_ I finished up and headed outside. Maria and Rose were the only ones outside. I soothed Rose's fears about me walking home and left. I quickly texted my best friend, Laura who had recently moved away.

_"This is so stupid, I just want someone talk to. But you're the only one who knows what's going on and you have more important things to be worrying about."_

I knew she'd probably be asleep but I also knew she'd reply in the morning when she woke up. I got home and climbed into bed. As I pulled the covers up around me shoulders I finally let myself think about what I'd been ignoring all night.

I'd met Jasper about five years ago, through a mutual friend. We'd gotten along so well, just hanging out in a group, chatting and drinking. I'd considered him one of my best friends. I'd even taken his side after he dated one of my girlfriends and they'd had a messy break up. On the night I'd met my now ex-boyfriend, Jaxson, I'd kissed him.

We were at a party at Jaxson's because his parents were away. Jasper and I were sitting in the front yard drinking and talking, stealing one another's cigarettes, when he'd suddenly stolen my phone. Jumping up and holding it above his head he dared me to get it from. My eyes drifted shut as I recalled my memories of him.

_I stood on my tip-toes and pressed my body against his, reaching as high as I could, looking up to admit defeat I realised how close I really was to him. I opened my mouth to say something but before I knew it his lips were against mine. I sighed and leaned more fully into him as he dropped his arm, and my phone, bring his arms around my waist and pulling me hard against him. His tongue danced into my mouth, shocking me it seemed. I felt as if I was on fire. The kiss ended far too soon and we split apart as we heard people coming out the front of the house. I had later started talking to Jaxson and he asked me on a date, I accepted even though I wished it was Jasper asking me._

_ That was the beginning of a three year, seven month relationship with Jaxson. I barely saw Jasper after that, sometimes at the local pub and that was about it. Each time I was greeted with a massive hug and hour's long conversations. Jaxson had started dating Maria about two years ago and she hadn't liked me from the start. It all started going to shit only a week ago._

_ Boxing Day night everyone had gone to the local pub for a set by a local DJ. Nearly all my friends had trudged our way down to a friend's house to continue our drinking. After a great deal of drinking I was in the backyard talking to Lauren and Jasper._

_ "Jasper, if you kiss Bella I'll be very pleased. We all know you two want each other. I'll even make sure everyone stays in the front yard." My ever pushy friend then bounced into the front yard. I knew I was blushing as Jasper put his arm around me._

_ I turned to him to tell him he didn't have to, he had a girlfriend. But all of my excuses were silenced before they even reached my lips as his lips crashed into mine. I was quickly caught up in the moment and heard myself moan out loud as his tongue slipped into my mouth. He dropped his beer and pulled me against him. I could taste speed on his lips and cigarette on his tongue. Even so, he tasted better than anything I'd ever tasted before. He quickly pulled back and looked at me as if surprised by his actions. "I can go." I ducked my head, already feeling guilty about Maria, who was at present at home in bed._

_ "No, you don't have to leave." With that he walked out into the front yard and I followed suit. It wasn't until about five in the morning when I spoke to him next. He caught me walked into the backyard from the front of the house and gave me a hug. He pulled me toward the bushes at the side of the house, so that if anyone looked around the corner they wouldn't be able to see us._

_ "I'm going home in a minute." He looked down at me; I couldn't look away from his eyes. _

_ "Bye then." He leant in and captured my lips once more. This time it wasn't rough and passionate, it was sweet. I sighed as he swept his tongue across my bottom lip and gently bit it. He pulled away and smiled then walked away. I didn't know how I felt in that moment other than confused. _

I shook my head and rolled to my other side. I'd only ever kissed him three times and yet I felt like I was falling for him. He was always in my thoughts, at school, at work, in my dreams. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't just break them up, he obviously loved her and I didn't think he'd leave her for me anyway.

I had no idea what I'd expected to happen tonight. All I knew was that I ended up alone and jealous of his girlfriend. I feel into sleep dreaming of his lips against mine and his hands on my skin.


End file.
